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trans feelings, hindsight, 1/n 

It’s true for some people, but I didn’t “always know” I was trans. With hindsight, though, there’s stuff I missed, or ignored, or explained away over the years that I can interpret as trans feelings now, and I think it might be helpful to write about that. There’ll be a little biography involved but I’ll try to keep it to a minimum.

If I never heard the word passing again I'd be more than okay with that

This is also where privilege discourse breaks down. Privilege is not a binary! It's a spectrum, a three-dimensional space. Bi queerness sits at an intersection where *liberation* means the freedom to choose your partners and relationships. Just as it should be free for EVERYONE.

The idea that bi people have "straight-passing privilege" is implying that the denial of bi queerness is privilege, and that any form of "straightness" is privilege.

Mormonism and gender (1/?) 

I started writing this out on Tumblr but I'll kind of paraphrase it here:

In Mormon culture, it's not considered "gay" or gender-nonconforming for men to be interested in theater, musicals, or singing/dancing. It's also considered admirable for men to cry, especially when experiencing strong emotions or being "moved by the Spirit." (I could write a whole other thing about the intricacies of crying within Mormonism.)

selfie, eye contact 

Trying on a new top I got for Christmas.

tma/tme meta, power/privilege dynamics in trans communities, suicide 

trans men, nonbinary and intersex people are statistically and anecdotally very unsupported and erased from within trans communities. their voices and experiences, and identities are frequently invalidated and ignored, this is true on fedi as much as anywhere else. this has real consequences measured and experienced in suicide rates.

UK, trans feminine, Brighton, paid interviews 

"PAID INTERVIEW CALLOUT kateodonnellx is looking to speak to Brighton based trans femmes of colour about their pandemic, experiences with Pride/Trans Pride Brighton, and more. For more info email alice@arch468.com"

nitter.net/Genderintell/status

I wanna find more trans fat disabled community. Anyone out there?

I don't have a word for it, but the specific intersection of ableism, transphobia, and fatphobia is a very different lived experience than only experiencing one and having privilege in the other two. Even experiencing 2/3 is different. And I know I have more privilege as a white person than a POC who experiences these 3 in addition to racism.

just putting this out to the void & hoping someone hears it cuz damn its hard to exist.

Good morning. Today’s card is the Seven of Wands. Don’t let others bring you down or make you doubt yourself. Fight for what you’ve achieved.

tma/tme meta, genital mention, assignment mentions 

as a trans femme-ish enby woman with a dick I view encouraging people to state what seems to be a euphemism for their gender assignment (and not a question of their actual experience) to be rebinarizing non-binary people, erasing intersex people and emphasizing gender assignment regardless of our lived experiences.

Free eBook courses from the Open University, on a broad range of topics:

open.edu/openlearn/free-ebooks

trans feelings, hindsight, 11/10 

Oh, yeah - and I spent 30 years using a glyph and my initials as a signature wherever I could. Because it felt more comfortable than my name.

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trans feelings, hindsight, 10/10 

In the end, it was the queer/trans Twine game scene that got me thinking. So much of the writing seemed to speak to me and I didn’t quite understand why. I started following some creators on Twitter and when they sometimes talked about “egg feelings” I found things I recognised. Someone said “you can just be a girl if you want; it’s OK” and I thought “if only it was that simple...” But it was that simple in the end. Simple’s not the same as easy, though :-)

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trans feelings, hindsight, 9/10 

Preferring women avatars and characters in video games (but that was just because I didn’t like being around guys, obviously), and shapeshifting characters in TTRPGs. (I played women characters for a while, but a girl in my group made a big deal about the difficulties of “cross-sex” roleplaying, so I stopped.)

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trans feelings, hindsight, 8/n, nearly done I promise 

Reading the SCUM Manifesto and relating to the stuff about how masculinity prevents men from ever being really happy.

Wanting to be around women but also feeling acutely that I wasn’t a woman and could never be entirely welcome. (And similar feelings about feminism.)

Hating to be accused of doing something typically masculine, and feeling curiously happy on the rare occasions someone called me “miss” or “ma’am” before correcting themself.

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trans feelings, hindsight, 7/n, nearly done I promise 

Other minor things:

A phase of trying to dress vaguely goth/rock - one earring, black nail polish, an unsuccessful experiment with black lipstick, bangles - but without any particular interest in the music or the scene. And occasional very small femme touches - a flower or butterfly brooch on my jacket - as “eccentricities”.

A feeling of mild panic in my mid-twenties when my body hair began to get worse.

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trans feelings, hindsight, 6/n 

I wondered if I might be gay for a while - or rather, I considered trying on “gay” as an identity. It didn’t make sense on a literal level because I didn’t much sexual interest in men, but I think it was a way to approach queerness without knowing the term. And I liked lesbian coming-out stories and lesbian romance but worried I was being appropriative.

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